WHAT'S ON, 4/2005

Former military interpreter and Consul of Ukraine to Israel, Dmitry Chekalkin is now president of 'Adult Radio' and is famous for his amusing prank calls. When not fooling people on air Dmitry is busy workingon his satirical internet projects, which had people laughing throughout the Orange Revolution.

You're a native Kyivite, what do you like about the city?
I was born in Kyiv but I spent all my childhood in the small village of Burilovo, on the Desna riverbank close to Kyiv. That small settlement was actually founded by my grandparents and two other families. My grandparents traveled a lot but when they finally decided to settle somewhere, they chose that picturesque spot by the river. It's a beautiful place which shows almost no signs of civilization and I like to go there to relax during the summer. During my summer all my friends and relatives would camp down by the river and tell stories by the fire. I like rivers and I am amazed by Naberezhno-Khreschatitska street in Kyiv where you can take a boat to Trukhaniv island where there are some really isolated places. It's incredible and that's the unique thing about Kyiv. In ten minutes you can go from the very centre of the city to totally uninhabited places!

You have something of a linguistic background don’t you?
In school I studied French and Spanish after which I went to the Moscow Military Institute of Foreign Languages. It was here that I qualified as an interpreter and translator of Arabic, Hebrew and English. During the Soviet Union one of the institutes roles was to train spies. It was closed during the Khruschev era but reopened again when the Soviets began to sell arms to Arab countries. After graduating I went to work in Algiers as a translator for four years and then came back to Moscow to work as a translator.

How did you find yourself as Consul of Ukraine to Israel?
After working in Moscow I was invited to work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine and when president Kuchma received the late Yitzhak Rabin for an official visit I was the interpreter at all their meetings. Actually I was only working at the Ministry for several months as in 1992 I was sent to Israel to open a new consulate which I eventually headed and occupied the post of Consul until 1996. When I came back to Kyiv I became Vice-president of the large Dendy concern, dealing with Kievskie Vedomosti newspaper and radio, which I later headed. This is how I became involved with the radio business and consequently became something of a prank caller.

What was the idea behind your satirical internet series?
'Operation ProFFessor' and 'Merry Eggs' were very popular with those who supported the Orange Revolution. 'ProFFessor' was a 13-series internet film, which consisted of compilations of popular Soviet comedies with voices, performed by impersonators, of well known politicians dubbed over the characters. It was a satirical attack and proved so popular that we plan to continue it as, despite the revolution, there are still many politicians and bureaucrats who need good critics. 'Merry Eggs', was an internet cartoon in which two funny eggs sing songs and joke. It was immediately broadcast via different internet sites after the famous, and funny, incident when Viktor Yanukovich was felled by an egg.

Tell us about your prank calls which are aired on the radio?
My prank calls started when our radio was called 'Radio Kievskie Vedomosti', and are now broadcast not only by our station but also by 145 other radio stations throughout the world. Usually people want to trick their friend or colleague on their birthday. They call me and tell something about this person so I know how to build up a dialogue in such a way that he or she won't understand at first that he is tricked. I can change my voice in many ways and usually introduce myself as some authority figure telling the person something stupid in a serious manner. Eventually they get the joke. Many people know this programme well and recognise me very quickly but never get offended! The service cost 150hrv and you get a copy of the call on tape. Later most of these jokes are aired on the radio.

"I can't say Ukrainian humour is somehow 'lower' or more primitive in comparison, let's say, to French humour. It's just different"

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Said Dima quoting the most prolific wit of them all, Oscar Wilde. As you quickly realise Dmytro Chekalkin is a man bursting with all kinds of proverbs, jokes and witty phrases. The director of Kievskie Vedomosti Broadcasting company and producer of Zoloty Husak Entertainment Show, Dima works as a depository of humour, making people laugh by the thousand is his trade. The main principle he lives by is the following: "Being sad during your life is like laugh'' gat a funeral." For a man who has chosen talking as a profession, however, he has the least likely of backgrounds. A highly qualified interpreter, speaking several dialects of Arabic, English, Spanish, Hebrew and French and having working for years as a diplomat, he got to work with such VIP clients as Presidents Kuchma and Kravchuk.
His time among the politicians has given him plenty of material for his new career. "Ivan Plusch, the speaker
of the Verkhovna Rada has become famous for his verbal slip ups," recalls Dima. "For example - it's difficult to translate but he said something like this to the Deputies in the Rada a couple of years ago, "Don't think too much and you'll find yourself surrounded by people who think the same way." Dima's career wasn’t all fun and games, however. He even spent some time in charge of identifying corpses. After seeing the darkest side of reality, he has developed the ability to take as much joy out of life as possible. And it seems to be the deepest of truths - the only approach to a life, which is so incomplete, is an ironic one. "The best way to get along well with the complications of the world is to be strong enough to laugh - and first of
all at yourself," considers Dima.
As with any profession, comedy requires experience and a very refined perception of language. "The majority of jokes are based on so called extra-linguistic phenomena like topography, location, national mentality and so on." These peculiarities make it almost impossible to interpret some anecdotes and jokes. "I can't say Ukrainian humour is somehow 'lower' or more primitive in comparison, let's say, to French humour. It's just different." Dima is famous all over Ukraine for his unique ability to imitate voices and invent jokes  spontaneously. "Of course, there are some joke patterns or repetitions, like in any work, but most of the time it is a new interpretation of old jokes." It's impossible to count exactly how many times per day Dima has to think up new gags but it's something he does almost automatically.

His early morning radio programmers can make one's belly ache from laughter. The plan is rather simple, but Dima was, after all, the first in Ukraine to get an official license for making people laugh by patenting his jokes. "On the program we choose a birthday boy or girl and get as much info about their hobbies and passions as possible. Then we call him up, fresh out of bed and make fun of him." In spite of Dima's tricky style and his provocative themes, his 'victims' arc not known to complain. "It all depends on having a well-balanced portion of wit and tact," explains the DJ. It's getting more and more difficult to mock people, however, as most of them have already been fooled by Dima! The other trend is that the audience is getting younger and younger and the today's teens are not that quick to believe such calls. But Dima is optimistic about his jesting career. These kind of programs have been popular in States and Britain since the 70’s, like the popular Capital Punishment in London.

Due to his previous successful business experience Dima can make big money from his jokes. One minute of advertising at his radio costs more than some TV channels prime time. The musical policy of Kievskie  Vedomosti radio called 'shanson' is one of the most popular ones in Ukraine but some have complained   about   the choice of music, which seemed to consist mainly of prison ballads for a long time in the early
days. But there's no accounting for taste, "Let all the flowers bloom, Mao Tzedun once said. Since it's popular we'll have our niche" Being a person always in the lime light Dima values calm out-of-the-way
places like the islands at Desna. «I usually rent a yacht to enjoy spending time by myself there." This comedian who can easily pay for a weekend yacht thinks that the most valuable thing is memories. And what is the favorite joke of the man with a licence to be funny? Here goes, "What is the difference between a diplomat and a girl?" If diplomat says 'yes', it means 'may be'. His 'may be' means 'no'. If a girl says 'no' it means 'may be', but her 'may be' means 'yes!'.